Bathing Suit Trauma

Ok, maybe trauma is a strong word to use when discussing bathing suits, but in this case, I feel that it applies. As I was getting ready to go swimming today, I tried on my modest black one-piece, every plus-size girl's natural choice, to discover that it no longer fit. It was too short, so the top wasn't exactly the kind of cleavage-revealing suit that I wanted to wear, especially when trying to actually swim. So off to Pennington's I went, while J waited in the car. Initially I was kind of excited. You see I've been feeling really good about my body since I've been exercising a lot lately. Things are becoming firmer, and even my jeans that I wore that day, which I hadn't worn because they were too tight, were fitting good.

You would also think that given all of the years that I have been plus-size, and give all the other depressing bathing suit shopping experiences that I've had, I would at least be a bit in 'the know.' But it wasn't until I had to ask for a bigger size of bathing suit, along with the unforgiving fluorescent lights in the change room that I began to crumble. Any sort of gains I had made in the body-esteem category quickly vanished and what I was left with was not pretty.

I am angry that I let this experience get to me in this way. I was pretty pissed that I had to spend $100 on a bathing suit that made me feel like I was an overweight, dowdy woman.

So after spending the cash, and feeling like going home to bed, we headed for the pool. Given the day I was having, I didn't dare get changed in the main room. You see the last time we were swimming a few years ago, I had a couple "incidents" with tweens and teens, feeling that it was their right and duty to comment on my weight. So after at least 2 incidents that I can remember, I took my stuff into the changing cubicle and did my thing.

When I tell J about this, he can't fathom it, since there aren't even separate change rooms in the men's locker rooms. And no guy is going to stop and stare and say, "God, you have a fat ass!" (Maybe I should get changed in the men's locker room instead ;-)

Anyhow, we went for a swim and we made it 20 minutes. It felt good to be light. The water makes me feel graceful, and I enjoy feeling all my muscles moving together to propel me through the water. Swimming is such a good exercise, but it seems to have fallen out of fashion. People would much rather hole themselves up in the gym and spend an hour on an elliptical machine. To each their own I guess.