I was planning on going away this weekend with J and our friends. The closer the weekend got, the more stressed out I became, realizing that I wasn't as prepared for my midterm as I needed to be. Finally, I decided not to go, and now I feel much better. I don't even remember the last time I felt this stressed out, on the verge of tears. Normally I am better at monitoring my stress levels, but this last semester, being my last one for my degree, has just been heavier than expected.
I am officially half-way through my summer semester. I only have 3 weeks of classes and then my finals to go. I am so looking forward to being done and being able to relax and unwind for a while.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Bottled Up Too Long
So as per my usual tendencies, I have been pretty stressed up lately, and hence, have been avoiding writing, despite the fact that writing is the best way to release. I am here now, so I suppose I'm doing something about it.
I'm almost halfway through my last semester to complete my degree, and while I assumed that I would be floating on air during this time, I am actually dragging so low that I don't think I've ever felt this 'down' when something good is on the horizon. I don't think it's anything to worry about, I am just really tired and in need of a break. But it just so happens that said break won't occur for another 4 weeks. To cope with all this, I've been eating too much junk, and thus feeling a bit blah. I've cut back on my workouts because of sheer time constraints, but I am still managing to walk at least 4-6 times per week, albeit at a more leisurely pace. I refuse to 'overdo' it by creating a pressurized environment where I need to work out hard 7 days a week on top of working full-time and going to class 14 hours a week, plus all the homework and chores. No wonder I feel like shit!
It suddenly hit me today when I was once again mulling over how to feel better about this all - hello, you need to vent through writing. "Get it out!" my inner voice demanded! And how right it is, as I'm feeling a bit better already. I am reminded about a few things that I need to keep in the front of my mind, so as to put things in perspective:
I'm almost halfway through my last semester to complete my degree, and while I assumed that I would be floating on air during this time, I am actually dragging so low that I don't think I've ever felt this 'down' when something good is on the horizon. I don't think it's anything to worry about, I am just really tired and in need of a break. But it just so happens that said break won't occur for another 4 weeks. To cope with all this, I've been eating too much junk, and thus feeling a bit blah. I've cut back on my workouts because of sheer time constraints, but I am still managing to walk at least 4-6 times per week, albeit at a more leisurely pace. I refuse to 'overdo' it by creating a pressurized environment where I need to work out hard 7 days a week on top of working full-time and going to class 14 hours a week, plus all the homework and chores. No wonder I feel like shit!
It suddenly hit me today when I was once again mulling over how to feel better about this all - hello, you need to vent through writing. "Get it out!" my inner voice demanded! And how right it is, as I'm feeling a bit better already. I am reminded about a few things that I need to keep in the front of my mind, so as to put things in perspective:
- I have already successfully completed 18 classes, in addition to my previous diploma and 2 other years of post-secondary. Why on earth should I worry about my success of these last 2 classes?
- I can increase or decrease the stress level, based on what I focus on and how I balance the other things in my life. Hmmmm, the obvious choice seems so simple when I look at it this . . .
- I ONLY have 4 weeks to go, which includes writing my final exams. Then all done!
- After I'm done my degree, I can take a very much deserved break for a while, and collect myself, get back on track with my other goals, such as fitness.
- I deserve to take care of myself - I am worth it. Hey, I think Revlon took stole my line.
Now I can see that I will get through it. Perhaps I should relish these last 4 weeks, and observe. Especially since I don't know if I'll ever go back again.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Remember the Good Things
It is very easy to get caught up in the bad things. You know, those crude and rude comments that people say, or how you're made to feel less than beautiful.
Well, I'd like to make more of an effort to remember the good stuff, not just the blessings in my life, but the nice things that people say.
After not going to see my chiropractor for more than a year, I made it back last week. In catching up I made a comment about being more active, and then I back handed it by saying, "Although it's not like I've lost any weight." She replied, "I think you have lost weight. You look leaner and more toned." The moral of this little story is two-fold. One, I need to stop talking bad about myself, especially my body and the progress I've made. Two, I have made improvements and changes, even if they are hard to detect on a daily basis. So hurray for small gains, or losses as it were.
Well, I'd like to make more of an effort to remember the good stuff, not just the blessings in my life, but the nice things that people say.
After not going to see my chiropractor for more than a year, I made it back last week. In catching up I made a comment about being more active, and then I back handed it by saying, "Although it's not like I've lost any weight." She replied, "I think you have lost weight. You look leaner and more toned." The moral of this little story is two-fold. One, I need to stop talking bad about myself, especially my body and the progress I've made. Two, I have made improvements and changes, even if they are hard to detect on a daily basis. So hurray for small gains, or losses as it were.
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Truth Hurts
Sometimes I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round, with all my flipping and flopping in my approach to my body and health. For a week or more, I got really obsessed with my appearance, i.e. more so than usual. I was beginning to fall prey to the "I must be thinner to look good," instead of seeing the other reasons for losing weight.
There is a school of thought in the non-diet world that advocates not counting calories, and listening to your body. They say that your body will naturally go to its happy weight and that obsessing over calories just makes things worse. I agree to a certain degree with this philosophy, but not as much when it comes to me personally. For example, in the last 5 weeks, I've lost and then re-gained about 5 pounds. I did the, "I can eat whatever I want, I'm listening to my body." So in a way, I wasn't really true to their ideology, because I used this theory to give myself permission to overeat and eat less healthy than I should. I'm not sure why I am so adverse to just tracking what I eat and being accountable. It's not like I'm thinking of going on a 1200 calorie a day diet. I've done the research on basal metabolic rate. I know that because I weigh close to the big 3-0-0 that I need more calories than someone half that weight. I know that the amount of fat eaten should be less than 30% of my total intake. I know that I need to eat more veggies and fruits, and less fat. Especially since time and time again, I've proven to myself that too much fat, especially milk-fat, makes me sick.
I realize that regardless of how badly I want to look better, I REALLY want to feel better. I notice that I feel heavy, and that the extra weight makes me feel ugh. So it's not like I have to discount wanting to look good, but that can't be my best reason. My health and how I feel in my body, is vital. Looks fade with age and stress, but my body can feel good for a very long time if I take good care of it.
So after all this, what does this mean on a go-forward basis? It means that I'm going to start using fitday.com again to track my intake. It helps keep my a bit more accountable, and it helps me to be honest with myself. It's easy to go a week and weigh-in heavier and say, "well, it must be the sodium, or my period." It's another thing to be able to say, I ate within my target calories, likely 2200-2400, and I'm still losing at a healthy rate.
Let's stop the BS and get to work. Because I know, and I've always know that this is not my happy weight. It's not even close.
There is a school of thought in the non-diet world that advocates not counting calories, and listening to your body. They say that your body will naturally go to its happy weight and that obsessing over calories just makes things worse. I agree to a certain degree with this philosophy, but not as much when it comes to me personally. For example, in the last 5 weeks, I've lost and then re-gained about 5 pounds. I did the, "I can eat whatever I want, I'm listening to my body." So in a way, I wasn't really true to their ideology, because I used this theory to give myself permission to overeat and eat less healthy than I should. I'm not sure why I am so adverse to just tracking what I eat and being accountable. It's not like I'm thinking of going on a 1200 calorie a day diet. I've done the research on basal metabolic rate. I know that because I weigh close to the big 3-0-0 that I need more calories than someone half that weight. I know that the amount of fat eaten should be less than 30% of my total intake. I know that I need to eat more veggies and fruits, and less fat. Especially since time and time again, I've proven to myself that too much fat, especially milk-fat, makes me sick.
I realize that regardless of how badly I want to look better, I REALLY want to feel better. I notice that I feel heavy, and that the extra weight makes me feel ugh. So it's not like I have to discount wanting to look good, but that can't be my best reason. My health and how I feel in my body, is vital. Looks fade with age and stress, but my body can feel good for a very long time if I take good care of it.
So after all this, what does this mean on a go-forward basis? It means that I'm going to start using fitday.com again to track my intake. It helps keep my a bit more accountable, and it helps me to be honest with myself. It's easy to go a week and weigh-in heavier and say, "well, it must be the sodium, or my period." It's another thing to be able to say, I ate within my target calories, likely 2200-2400, and I'm still losing at a healthy rate.
Let's stop the BS and get to work. Because I know, and I've always know that this is not my happy weight. It's not even close.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Easy to Forget
It seems to be very easy to forget about the overall picture on this journey. This isn't a drastic weight-loss story, it encompasses more than just my weight. It is so easy to get caught up in the numbers, and the numbers don't tell the whole story. So just a little reminder to myself that while the numbers will change, it will take time, and it's not just the numbers that matter. How does my body feel? Am I getting enough rest? Am I having enough fun? Making time for meditation? How fit am I? All of these questions are important for me to consider.
I am toying with tracking my food intake, but every time I do that I become obsessed with food, which I don't want to do anymore. I want to eat healthier, exercise and enjoy my body. Not obsess over calories and fat grams, etc.
I am toying with tracking my food intake, but every time I do that I become obsessed with food, which I don't want to do anymore. I want to eat healthier, exercise and enjoy my body. Not obsess over calories and fat grams, etc.
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