Set Backs

Monday's weigh in was up, way up: 296.6. I can't quit figure out what's going on yet. I'm incredibly frustrated though. Maybe I do need to be more careful with consumption. Hmmm. Of course, J being the "wise" one, reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat, and that with the weight training that I might be putting on some muscle. I guess I'll keep that in mind.

I am taking a lactose intolerance test this morning, which means just some skim milk for breakfast and then nothing for 3 - 5 hours, including my usual morning coffee. So far all I feel is sleepy. I would like to know what is causing all these digestive issues - I won't go into details - I just know that things are not normal. I'd like to feel good again.

I also ran into a wall yesterday on my walk due to shin pain. So now I'm trying to figure out why and fix it. It could be from my shoes, my orthos, walking on concrete, not enough stretching, or overdoing it. Hmmm, where do I begin? I'm starting with a rest day on cardio. I'll likely still do upper weights tonight, cause hey, that's not going to hurt my shins.

Sweating is Good

I went for my lunch walk, but today I did hills. By the time I got back here, I was breathing hard and my face was flush. That is when I know that I'm pushing it enough, when there is that effort exerted that feels difficult at the time, but feels great once I'm done.

I am really excited about where I'm going on this path. Even though I've only lost 6% of the total, I feel stronger and more energized. The exercise is becoming a habit, and its even something that I'm looking forward to now. I'm sure that there will be days that I'm not so keen, but for now, I'm going to relish this enthusiasm.

Hurray - It's Working!

Mondays are my official weigh-in day, even if I do peek once or twice in between. Today's weight: 293.8!

So I'm down 6.2 pounds since I began a few weeks ago. I have to admit that I am somewhat surprised that this is working, especially since I haven't really changed my eating: I'm still having chocolate on a regular basis. I actually feel like I'm eating more than usual, because I'm listening to my body and eating when it says, "Hey you, I'm hungry." And when I'm not hungry, I don't force myself to eat.

I'm loving the workouts. In fact, today my calves are REALLY sore because I did lower weights yesterday. It feels so good to move! I know that there are other people like me, who used to be fit, but sort of lost it over the years. We got used to being lazy and sedentary and enjoyed it. Before, the thought of having to exercise would make me grimace. Now, I'm pleasantly surprised by how good it feels to lift weights, to push myself in my cardiovascular activities, and lets not forget stretching (which is still a growth area for me).

So it really feels like a new day has begun, so to speak. The old, lazier me is being displaced by the new energetic, more active me. Goodbye old me, hello new me!

Muscles are Good

I didn't work out yesterday, since I had this awful headache all day. I left work early, came home to bed and did nothing. So today I felt a little sluggish, but I got back on track by taking the dogs for a walk and then later on, I did biceps, triceps and shoulders. I am starting to feel stronger, noticing that it feels pretty good to remember my muscles. Nice.

Will I Ever Learn?!

I am a very, VERY, slow learner. Yesterday, I went out for lunch with two work friends and we went to Earl's. I had good intentions going in, because I knew that I was also going out for supper to the Keg. Knowing that the Keg would mean a fairly big meal, I HAD intended to eat a reasonable lunch, maybe a salad. When we got there, we all decided to have appetizers for lunch: calamari, chicken fingers and fries and spinach dip with pita. I thought, "Hmmm, this will be fine. I'll just a bit of everything and not overdo it." That was ok, I felt pretty good after the appies.

Then we decided to have dessert, at which point my little spidey sense said, "Um, maybe we shouldn't, or maybe just share one with the three of us." Instead, we ordered three desserts, and instead of recognizing that having the equivalent of one giant dessert, made up mostly of ice cream, was a very bad idea - I dove right in and ate a bunch of ice cream. On the plus side, I did have fun at lunch, but my body was very unhappy with me about an hour later.

The moral of this story is that I cannot eat tons of dairy. I've known this for years, that's why I buy Lactaid instead of regular milk. And yet I still manage to do this to myself every once in a while, and every time I swear that I won't do it again.

Lesson: Just because I have given myself permission to eat whatever I want, does not mean that I SHOULD eat whatever I want. I.e. copious amounts of dairy.

To make matters worse, I had too much food at supper and felt ill for the rest of the evening. I didn't want to be rude by not finishing what was on my plate, since we were being 'treated' by our friend's parents. When will I learn?

Image source: http://www.freefoto.com/

Challenges Ahead

Well, it looks like I will be taking two courses in May and June, which means that I will be in class four nights a week from 5 - 8 p.m. This somewhat throws a wrench into my current workout plan, but I think that I can modify it to keep the resistance training and the cardio through the 7 week period. This is just another challenge that I can meet.

I'm pretty excited that I'm almost finally done my degree. This is a goal that I set a few years ago, and it will be officially done by the end of this June. This feels really good. It also means that I will be able to focus more on my fitness and health goals, once I have one less goal on my plate. Granted, as my husband says, "You'll fill up your time just as much with other stuff when you're done school." He is consistenty right about these types of things - as I'm already planning to decorate and paint the house, do some leisure reading, and maybe start writing my novel, in addition to getting into the best shape of my life.

I tend to be happier when I'm busier, even though I consistently deny this and try to have too much down time.

Image source: FreeFoto.com

It's all about the balance, between working hard, playing hard and resting.

Down a Bit More

Well I'm at 295.8, which is about a pound from last week. BUT, I took measurements last night and I'm down a few inches from September 2008. So I'm not as discouraged about the weight thing, if the inches keep coming off. I lost 2 inches off my chest, 1 inch off my waist, and 1.5 inches off my hips. In fact, when I compared my measurements with ones from when I weighed 281, I am actually smaller not, even though I weight 14 pounds more. Of course, that's not to say that I'm not going to lose weight, but I am going to be a bit less obsessed with the scale. I am content indeed!

I dug out a fitness cookbook, but I'm not sure if it's going to fly. J and I are approaching this as modifying activity the most, and eating sensibly, not 100% clean all the time. I'd like to make sure that I have the activity down before I start messing with food. Although I am trying to eat smart, and eat enough of the good stuff so that I don't crave as much of the less good stuff.

A Few Things

It has been a nice long weekend. We had both sets of parents over for a big dinner on Friday, and we all had fun playing Wii bowling and golf. I like that the Wii gives us new entertainment options rather than always playing cards.

We've gone to the gym all weekend, swimming, upper body, and today I went for a walk with my friend B. I used the rowing machine for the first time for a warm-up on our upper body day and that thing is incredible! I assumed that it would be mostly upper body warming, but today by thighs and hips are feeling like they got put through their paces. I also really like our cross-training approach using different exercises and cardio workouts.

Things I would like to do

There are many things that I am looking forward to doing as I lose weight. Some of you may think these are silly, or odd, if you've never been heavy or larger. The reason I thought of this list was because I shaved my legs last night, which I usually avoid, since I barely ever show my legs, and shaving in a pain.

So here's my big ole list, no pun intended:

• wearing dresses without bike shorts


• being able to have the same clothes fit from year to year, instead of the dreaded, "Crap, this fit last spring. Dammit!"


• buying nicer clothes that will last, instead of disposable ones
  
• hiking, basketball, volleyball, walking, jogging, etc. (Image source: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/950697)


• not having to take acid reflux medicine
  
• no more aches and pains (back, neck, knee, feet, etc.)


• sleeping better and not snoring as much
  
• shopping the smaller/smallest sizes in plus size stores - you know you need to get crackin when you can't shop in some plus size sections or stores anymore.


• people noticing that I'm losing weight


• seeing people I haven't seen in a while - you know, you don't see someone for a few years and you gain a bunch of weight during that time, and you know that they know, and you feel self-conscious
  
• keeping up with my husband and friends


• fitting nicely in an airplane seat and being able to easily walk down the aisles and move in the airplane bathroom


• fitting comfortably in all restaurant chairs and booths, not having to worry as I'm approaching the booth and wondering if I'll fit


• not being so tired all the time


• tying my shoes with ease


• shaving my legs


• weighing less than J, who is much taller than I am
  

Spring Time

I am so glad that spring has arrived (knock on wood)! The snow has really been melting and it gives me hope that the warmer weather will stay. Of the many flowers that I love, lilies are a favorite.

Warmer weather means more outdoor activity, like walking the dogs and sitting on the back deck. Being on an acreage is nice for enjoying nature and taking in the fresh air.

And let's not forget barbecue season. My favorite bbq is kabobs, with lots of vegetables, particularly mushrooms. Yummy!

Yesterday I was reflecting on my change in attitude towards food. For many years, I looked at food as "good" or "bad" and during my "good" times I would count calories religiously, only to fall off the wagon and overeat. It seemed that by labelling food in that way, it made me a little crazy about it, and the more I swore off a certain food, like chocolate, the more of it I would eat.

In my new approach, I am taking a bit of a different path. I am not swearing off any food, but instead listening to my body and its needs. I am thinking about food as fuel, a vital component to my well-being, not something to be afraid of. So while I may keep track of my measurements, weight, body fat and activity, I will no longer obsess about calories.

Fatigue

I don't think that it is a coincidence that the word "fat" is the beginning of fatigue. I've made all kinds of excuses as to why I am often tired or exhausted, such as "I'm hypothyroid, I'm just a tired person, I'm just a low-energy person" etc. It has taken me a while to admit that my fatigue could be caused by lugging around more than a 100 extra pounds. Hmmm, seems sort of obvious now. I'm not saying that my thyroid has nothing to do with it, because it may, but honestly, it likely has a lot to do with the excess weight.

So I'm hoping that as I get into better shape, and drop some unhealthy weight, that my energy will increase. I certainly hope so. It's frustrating having to plan things around anticipated energy levels, or lack thereof.

Spring Jacket

I finally bought a new spring jacket from Eddie Bauer. I've been wanting a new spring coat for a few years, but I've been doing the classic, "I'll wait to lose weight." Ironically, I now bought one and I am losing weight. Oh well. Here is the fabulous coat. To check out more colors and sizes, go to: http://www.eddiebauer.com

EB has some really nice plus size clothes. I could really spend a lot of mulla there. The jacket I ordered fits perfectly in the shoulders and bust, but is pretty big everywhere else. Thankfully my mother-in-law is going to take it in for me.

Bathing Suit Trauma

Ok, maybe trauma is a strong word to use when discussing bathing suits, but in this case, I feel that it applies. As I was getting ready to go swimming today, I tried on my modest black one-piece, every plus-size girl's natural choice, to discover that it no longer fit. It was too short, so the top wasn't exactly the kind of cleavage-revealing suit that I wanted to wear, especially when trying to actually swim. So off to Pennington's I went, while J waited in the car. Initially I was kind of excited. You see I've been feeling really good about my body since I've been exercising a lot lately. Things are becoming firmer, and even my jeans that I wore that day, which I hadn't worn because they were too tight, were fitting good.

You would also think that given all of the years that I have been plus-size, and give all the other depressing bathing suit shopping experiences that I've had, I would at least be a bit in 'the know.' But it wasn't until I had to ask for a bigger size of bathing suit, along with the unforgiving fluorescent lights in the change room that I began to crumble. Any sort of gains I had made in the body-esteem category quickly vanished and what I was left with was not pretty.

I am angry that I let this experience get to me in this way. I was pretty pissed that I had to spend $100 on a bathing suit that made me feel like I was an overweight, dowdy woman.

So after spending the cash, and feeling like going home to bed, we headed for the pool. Given the day I was having, I didn't dare get changed in the main room. You see the last time we were swimming a few years ago, I had a couple "incidents" with tweens and teens, feeling that it was their right and duty to comment on my weight. So after at least 2 incidents that I can remember, I took my stuff into the changing cubicle and did my thing.

When I tell J about this, he can't fathom it, since there aren't even separate change rooms in the men's locker rooms. And no guy is going to stop and stare and say, "God, you have a fat ass!" (Maybe I should get changed in the men's locker room instead ;-)

Anyhow, we went for a swim and we made it 20 minutes. It felt good to be light. The water makes me feel graceful, and I enjoy feeling all my muscles moving together to propel me through the water. Swimming is such a good exercise, but it seems to have fallen out of fashion. People would much rather hole themselves up in the gym and spend an hour on an elliptical machine. To each their own I guess.

Gym Day

Well, we went to Millennium Place today to get a gym membership. It was mobbed with people due to a volleyball tournament of junior high girls. God, I do not have any desire to go back to being 12 again, what a nightmare!

Anyhow, we signed up and went to workout. There were quite a few people in the fitness centre, and a lot of them were inspiring to me. Despite being completely self-conscious, I did manage to get a good lower body strength training session in with J. Of course, he does a lot more weight than I do at this point, but I think that over time I will get stronger.

At the end we were stretching and there was this women doing push ups on a stability ball. She had the tips of her toes on the ball and was doing push-ups like it was the easiest thing in the world. Now that is someone who is fit! It is inspiring to see people like this at the gym, because it reminds me that fit bodies are not a given, that they take lots of work and commitment.

So we're going to try to go swimming at least once a week, and we have to do lower body workouts there because we just don't have that kind of equipment at home. I suppose it forces me out of my shell too. People like me who are overweight and/or out-of-shape shouldn't feel self-conscious at the gym. I almost want to get a shirt that says, "I'm working on it!" Then again, I don't owe anyone an explanation of where I am in my journey, nor do I need to justify my right to be at the gym. Amen sister!

Remember When

For some reason I was thinking about high school this morning on my drive into work. Specifically, I was remembering my first boyfriend, and how terrible he was for my self-esteem. You see, in high school I was pretty fit, and I didn't really have a weight problem. But this bf was a really insecure jerk, and yes, I put up with it for 3 years. He was very good at keeping my confidence low and affirming that I was overweight and unattractive. I realize now that this was because he was incredibly insecure and jealous. What better way to keep your girlfriend in line than to tell her that people make fun of her behind her back and that she is lucky to even have a boyfriend. Sigh. I realize that there is no point kicking myself for this, but oh how I would love to go back in time and give this guy a good ass-kicking, verbally of course. I think it would feel pretty damn good to set the record straight with him. But perhaps bygones should be bygones. Since now I have a husband who cherishes all of me. His biggest concern in my health, and he certainly does wonders for my self-esteem. Of course, I am well aware that it is ME who should be in charge of my self-esteem, not any outside influence. But let's admit it, it doesn't hurt to have a big fan of all things me ;-)

I had a good fit day yesterday, since I walked at lunch and then did upper body resistance training last night. I am feeling stronger every day, which is a nice change. I'm still holding my breath for the increase in energy.

Sore shins & calves

Well I dragged my tired butt out for a walk today and just as I was feeling proud of going for walk even though I wasn't 'feelin' it, my calves and shins began to hurt. I couldn't go nearly as fast as I wanted to :-( So tonight there will be much stretching after we do upper weights. I always tend to forget the importance of stretching.

Weigh In Wednesday

I'm 297.2 today - which is obviously not good, but it is not as bad as a few weeks ago when I was 299.8. Phew! This increase in activity is obviously helping. I'm trying to get the fitness habits down and then I'll be more attentive to my food intake. I'm being somewhat attentive, in trying to eat real food and not overdo any treats. So far, so good.

I'm feeling physically better, feeling strong and fitter already. I've been doing cardio pretty much everyday, and adding strength training a few days a week. Now I need to add in stretching.