A Good Weekend

I was very active this weekend. Ok, perhaps I should say that I was very active to where I am right now. J and I went for a walk on Friday with the dogs, and then we did strength training for the upper body. Yesterday I did some ice picking for 35 minutes, which was an amazing workout. Today we took the dogs again, and I tried to walk as fast as I could. My skins got a bit sore, but other than that, it was all good.

I am recalling much fitter days, years and years ago. The classic story of a woman who thinks she fat when she's actually not (from ages 12 - 18). Then denying when I actually got fat and eventually ended up where I am here today at almost 300 pounds. Seeing that number on the screen scares the crap out of me! I remember going over 200 in high school and freaking out, but clearly not freaking out enough to change it.

I don't even know what a good weight will be - but it won't be 300, or 250, or 225. My goals is to definitely be under 220, so somewhere between 170 and 210 maybe. I was 210 when I graduated from high school and my grad dress was a size 16/17, which I was mortified by. Now I would gladly be that size.

But enough about dress sizes and the number on the scale. This really is much bigger and more important that those digits. This really is not about achieving some number - it's about taking my life back. I have been hiding, figuratively and literally for years. I have become an expert on pretending to be fine with the ways things are, and pretending that I'm not missing out.

But the truth is right out in front. There is no more denying what I need to do and why. I need to take my life back and fight for my health and my joy in living. I am just so exhausted and tired of pretending, and of lugging around all this extra weight. It's ridiculous.