I'm Finally Back

Even though this is a private blog at this point, someday it might not be. Someday I might have the courage to share this with others.

I've taken more than a year off from this blog - which was a bad idea, since I only slipped back into denial about my weight and my health. I am now approximately 298 pounds, only a hair's breath away from the dreaded 300. I have been more active over the past year, as I've taken up walking on fairly regular basis. But still, I haven't managed to lose any of my girth, any of my armour. Somehow I justified this through the mirage of 'self love.' I convinced myself that I was ok with the way that I look, and that that was good enough. I completely ignored the facts:

1. I am 100 pounds overweight.
2. I am not a healthy person, I don't believe a person can be with 100 extra pounds weighing them down every single moment of every single day. I take thyroid medicine, antidepressants, and an acid reducer for acid reflux. At least two of these could be eliminated with a healthier me.
   
3. I am not happy, and a very big part of that is because I am tired all the time. I am likely tired all the time because of #1 and #2.
4. I deserve better.

I've had the same conversation with my husband many, many times. He tells me that he's worried about my health, and that he's afraid that I will die young. He tells me that it's not normal for me to sleep as much as I do, and to be as tired as I am all the time. And he's right. And I need to not forget this time, not slip and slide back into my old lifestyle of sleeping all the time, making excuses not to live my life and being miserable.

I am going to take my life back. I am going to take my body back.